to define work.

i am now interning at an alternative weekly publication in portland called willamette week. it is a small office that produces a medium sized paper. we write hipster articles about bands you've never heard of and review published authors younger than i am. i get assignments. i post blogs. i have a deadline. it feels very important and very good.

today, i had someone tell me that what i am doing is not work because i am not getting paid for it. that what i am doing classifies as a "hobby".

i lost my footing. i plunged into a realm of self-doubt.

i sat at my desk at my "hobby" office and stared at the computer screen. the alertness with which i had been writing was gone. the urgency of my piece had faltered. if he was right, that this position which i had worked so hard for, fought so hard for, was just for fun, it becomes significantly less important.

though i wonder why that is. writing has never seemed like work, so why would i want that label attached to it? "work" has negative connotations. is it that the word "hobby" makes my writing sound trivial? is there a word in the english language that gives me the purpose that "work" does with the comfort and ease that "hobby" provides?

the romantic poet rainer maria rilke once wrote, "confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. dig deep into your heart, where the answer spreads its roots in your being, and ask yourself solemnly, must I write?"

i will recite this over and over in my head as i fall asleep tonight, hopefully to awake to a clearer answer than the one i have now.